"when did she get so big?"

i've determined that the best and worst part of parenting must be watching your children grow up. i look at my daughter, who is almost nine months old, and it kills me. i hold her, and all i can think is "whatever happened to your tiny, snuggly body?" grace is not a snuggler, by any means. since she's become mobile, using that mobility is all she wants to do. granted, i love watching her grow and hitting all these milestones; crawling, sitting, cruising... eating spaghetti and zucchini and chunks of cheese... laughing and babbling... all those things are fantastic. but when did my baby get so big?

she has spunk and charm; she's shy but open and playful; she's beautiful; she's got an excellent sense of humor; she's cautious, examining, and judgmental; how can someone so small have such a personality? she likes almost everything; she hates taking big falls, but the little ones she could care less about; she prefers mommy to daddy every time, but daddy makes her laugh more than mommy. she thinks matthew is the most interesting thing on the planet, and were she allowed to play with him, she'd accidentally crush him under the weight of her love. she expresses concern when others cry; she listens intently and responds joyfully; she babbles through the full spectrum of sounds and emotions.

when did my baby get so big?

the day we found out we were pregnant again, grace and i were taking a bath together and she did something that just took my breath away --- chris ran and got the camera in time to snap a picture --- of grace resting on my belly. okay, if you know my baby, you'd know a few things: 1) bathtime is not made for snuggling, it is made for splashing and squealing in delight and 2) she just doesn't snuggle!

she was sitting between my legs when she just pulled herself up and laid down on my belly. she gave it kisses. okay, and if you know anything, it's not like i was showing at 6 weeks. i think she just knew. like, "hi baby, i'm your big sister, let's be friends and i will show you the way."

parenthood: your heart grows tenfold in size; you fluctuate between heartbreak and joy as you watch your child(ren) grow up. it kills me, but makes me.

it's the best gift i could've asked for.