"when did she get so big?"

>> Friday, April 30, 2010

i've determined that the best and worst part of parenting must be watching your children grow up. i look at my daughter, who is almost nine months old, and it kills me. i hold her, and all i can think is "whatever happened to your tiny, snuggly body?" grace is not a snuggler, by any means. since she's become mobile, using that mobility is all she wants to do. granted, i love watching her grow and hitting all these milestones; crawling, sitting, cruising... eating spaghetti and zucchini and chunks of cheese... laughing and babbling... all those things are fantastic. but when did my baby get so big?

she has spunk and charm; she's shy but open and playful; she's beautiful; she's got an excellent sense of humor; she's cautious, examining, and judgmental; how can someone so small have such a personality? she likes almost everything; she hates taking big falls, but the little ones she could care less about; she prefers mommy to daddy every time, but daddy makes her laugh more than mommy. she thinks matthew is the most interesting thing on the planet, and were she allowed to play with him, she'd accidentally crush him under the weight of her love. she expresses concern when others cry; she listens intently and responds joyfully; she babbles through the full spectrum of sounds and emotions.

when did my baby get so big?

the day we found out we were pregnant again, grace and i were taking a bath together and she did something that just took my breath away --- chris ran and got the camera in time to snap a picture --- of grace resting on my belly. okay, if you know my baby, you'd know a few things: 1) bathtime is not made for snuggling, it is made for splashing and squealing in delight and 2) she just doesn't snuggle!

she was sitting between my legs when she just pulled herself up and laid down on my belly. she gave it kisses. okay, and if you know anything, it's not like i was showing at 6 weeks. i think she just knew. like, "hi baby, i'm your big sister, let's be friends and i will show you the way."

parenthood: your heart grows tenfold in size; you fluctuate between heartbreak and joy as you watch your child(ren) grow up. it kills me, but makes me.

it's the best gift i could've asked for.


just another morning

>> Thursday, April 29, 2010

Vote for Grace, or die. Because you know she's the cutest.

I promise that will be the only time I ever ask you to vote for my baby. I pinky swear. Okay? Forgive me. Yep, I know it's tacky and I did it anyway. Unless she's running for President or something in 35 years; then I'll tell you to vote for her. If she's anything like me, she'll be brilliant, politically incorrect, and awesome. (Ha)

But in other news... My birthday roses are basically dead, Grace is lying in her crib licking the slats (let's talk about teething babies, really), and I have to leave in 40 minutes to pick up Chris so we can go do a "walk through" with the guy who is building our house to make sure he hasn't screwed anything up? (I'm not sure KB Homes' reasoning behind this, but I guess it just is supposed to be done.)

Speaking of the house, after our meeting with this guy today, they'll drywall it. Can you believe that? Literally, a month ago, Chris and I bought the house. It's framed, wired, (we even have bathtubs), vented, plumbed, and has windows. Damn! We're pretty excited. Go, house, go!

And in case you wanted to know, this pregnancy has turned me into the gas queen. My family would say, "as if you weren't already..." but no. Nothing beats this. Yeah, sure, gross --- I blame progesterone. It's making me a stinky fart. I had hoped I would only say that when I was 85 and basically rotting, but pregnancy has caused things to change. It's true. I stink.

What else? Can I complain for twenty-five seconds because I still don't have a baby bump? Let's see. I am 17 and a half weeks, utterly impatient, pregnant with baby #2, and wondering why everyone else seems to pop way before me. I didn't start showing with Grace till about 20 weeks, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised... But it's SO unfair. It's unfair that Chris and I have both felt the baby move, but the world still has no idea that there's a bun in the oven. Mannn. Okay, I'm done.

Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it already... And gosh, do I hope I am not wrong...

One last thing before we end this; there was a kid in my sisters graduating class who just committed suicide last night. I guess he was a basketball player for our high school. He hung himself. So, pray for the repose of his soul. His name is Stephen. Also, pray for his family.

I will probably write more about teen suicide tomorrow, because it's gotten me thinking.

Peace, love, and a good day!


"i would never do that to my body"

>> Wednesday, April 28, 2010

so, in case you've missed the memo, which it seems like everyone has heard, Jillian Michaels said something that has seemed to outrage a lot of women. she says she's planning to adopt rather than get pregnant, carry a baby, get big and fat, get stretch marks, and ruin her figure. well, good job Michaels, you shouldn't really be getting pregnant anyway as you're unmarried, bisexual, and --- are you even in a good relationship? she says that adopting is like rescuing something, and that when you rescue something, it's like rescuing a part of yourself. sure, that's a great reason to bring a child into your life: to rescue you --- mind you, an unidentified, broken part of you.

i am going to admit i might be politically incorrect... and yes, i got pregnant before marriage, but at least i was planning on marrying the guy who knocked me up. (hey look, he's my husband now, and he's done it again! ha!)

so i'm slightly unmerciful. and i don't really give a damn about her sexual orientation; really, at the heart of this, the thing that ticks me off the most is she "would never do that" to her body. as if getting pregnant is the worst thing you could possibly do. hm; i can think of a few worst things: 1) destroy your fertility, body, and health by getting STD's, 2) self mutilation and intentionally harming yourself, in whatever way - be it drugs or alcohol, 3) throwing yourself in front of a bus. all negative things. but having a baby? yeah, sure, it is a major burden on a woman's body - but for your own beautiful baby- flesh and blood, it's really not worth it? i know women who are trying to get pregnant who would probably throw a brick at you for saying that, Michaels. they'd kill to be able to do "that" to their bodies.

things that pregnancy does to your body - to name a few.
1) make you break out like a mad woman.
2) give you stretch marks.
3) make you put on hella weight.
4) if you don't exercise your kegels, you'll pee on yourself every time you sneeze (done that a few times now...)
5) that linea nigra. it's the pregnant woman's very own "happy trail" that you can't get rid of, because rather than being hair, it's the color of your skin. sure, sometimes it fades before you have another baby... but sometimes not. so much for that bikini.
6) your hair goes psycho. it can either get big and beautiful, or frizzy, or fall out. what the hell, hormones?
7) round ligament pain: you're a bitch.
8) back pain: an equally terrible bitch.
9) sore boobs. "sorry hunny, not today... or ever... again!"

basically, pregnancy does this ugly array of weird things to your body. i won't deny it.

but let's talk about the good things.
1) you grow a human person.
2) you achieve something that no man can do, EVER. ta-da for the feminists. stop trying to kill babies, having them actually makes you cooler than men.
3) some people do appreciate the increase in cup size. me, not so much, because i didn't need the twins to get any bigger... but some of you must enjoy it.
4) after nine months of trial and tribulation, you get to hold a breathing, screaming, beautiful piece of you. then you're given the responsibility to raise it, love it, and cherish it. that's awesome. really. a pain in the arse at times, but awesome, nonetheless.

basically, Jillian Michaels, i think you're forgetting something: babies are more rewarding than a kick-ass body that can't talk to you, coo at you, or grow up.

that's my story.

ps: for those of you who read that earlier post (that i deleted, yep) --- it's just proof that i shouldn't post in the morning after two bad days. ha.



>> Monday, April 26, 2010

grace is into the b's. it's making for a humorous morning, and i wish i could properly describe just how funny it is, but i can't. simply put, it sounds like my daughter is the queen of smart asses. she looks at me and says "ba-ba-ba-blah", as if saying, "mom, i'm not listening, your words are falling on deaf ears" like a teenage girl would say. you know: we would look at our mothers and mouth, "blah, blah, blah" when something was stupid or redundant or we just didn't care. and you can't say you never did that, because i don't like liars. clearly, i know that she's probably saying to me "mom, i found this new sound, it goes ba, can you please get me out of the crib now?".... but the smart assed teenage version is much more entertaining for everyone involved.

another thing. grace has figured out the growling noise and loves it. chris and i... well, it scares us a little. i mean, when your daughter sounds like emily from the exorcism of emily rose when she's in possessed-demon-mode, it's pretty... freaky. i figure it's just another sound grace has found, but i can't wait for her to get past it... which is probably why i decided to write about the newest b sound. i have high hopes that we can get past the possessed sounding growls soon enough.

in other news, i seriously hate nosebleeds. i don't even remember the last time i have had one; but chris, on the other hand... well, he gets them like a girl at U of A gets STD's. just kidding; bad comparison... but really. he gets them every week or two. or, yesterday, two in one day. now, these nosebleeds he gets: they are anything but your friendly little "oops, i picked a boogey in the wrong spot and now my nose is leaking." (yes, i just said that. this one's for you, michelle. childhood relived.) his nosebleeds start whenever; for no reason; and typically go for well over 15 minutes... like yesterday. the first nosebleed lasted 30+ minutes (i wasn't timing that one); and the second lasted a grand total of 40 minutes. chris bled for over an hour yesterday.

so why is this at all relevant to anything? it's not. it just seriously upsets me. i finally convinced him, after the second bleed had been going on for 20 minutes, to get in the car so we could go to the hospital. when we got there, it had just stopped bleeding, so we went home. he wasn't dizzy and was showing no signs that he was losing too much blood, so there wasn't much to do. he needs to go see an ENT and have them cauterize that stupid bleeder.

the actual point of this is to present a scenario i seriously hate being in: when no one thinks you're right except yourself. i feel like i'm in this boat a fair amount of the time, but last night i finally unleashed my frustrations on chris about it. as we were pulling out the driveway, i shouted at him (yeah, uh, this rarely happens) and told him that::: i did not give a damn what him or his mother thought; i was his wife, i was making the calls, and if he didn't like it, get a divorce and die from a nosebleed on his own time.

talk about laying it down. i never talk to him that way, but quite frankly, it was nice to say it. i also told him if he wanted to take his mother's advice over mine, he should've married her. maybe it was too far, but sometimes i feel like i need to say "uh, hello: you married me, not your mother." not that i don't love his mother - because i do so much - but when you take a vow to your wife, you better trust her with your life as much as you trust your mother with your life.

so that's my rant.

am i the only one out there who feels that way sometimes?

(i know i'm not, because my mother has definitely expressed the same feelings with my father occasionally.)

have a great day!


we'll call it "day 2 of our honeymoon"

>> Sunday, April 25, 2010

so in case you didn't know, chris and i both celebrated our 21st birthdays this week. i beat him to meeting the world by a whole three days (april 21st and april 24th). anyways, i have to admit i really enjoy our "joint birthdays" because it lends for a week of celebrations. let's see; this week we have actually had 4 birthday dinners, 3 days of gifts, and a whole lot of "happy birthday" wishes. we have bought our first drinks and bottles of wine and six packs... hah, and i am pregnant, all the while.

in case you're not counting, 17 weeks. that means, in the eyes of my spiffy maternal fetal medicine doctors, i could very well be halfway through this pregnancy.

anyhow, for our own personal "family" celebration, chris, grace, and i took off last night after he got done with work and drove about 45 minutes north to Oro Valley. we stayed at the hilton el conquistador resort, in one of their casitas. we went out to dinner and ate some fabulous steaks, went for a dip in the pool (and chris enjoyed the hot tub. my feet enjoyed it too, but that was the extent of it for me.) we drank; and by we, i mean, chris did most of the drinking and i drank a small glass of arbor mist combined with raspberry spritzy stuff. we played phase 10, did the married people thing, took a bubble bath, watched tv; basically, we had wonderful 21 year old fun.

it was fantastic.

chris and i have decided for every 6 month and 12 month wedding anniversary (his birthday was our 6 month anniversary! woo!), we'll celebrate in style and take another day to our gradually expanding "honeymoon." it's our way of affordable romantic travel. great one-nighters.

so here are a few personal favorites from the night...


the afternoon nap

>> Friday, April 23, 2010

i have a confession. i am the most unsympathetic mom when it comes to getting grace to take her afternoon naps. there is no mercy... unless of course, she falls down and bonks her head on the crib... then i feel just plain terrible and swoop her up and make her giggle till kingdom come.

for grace and i, the afternoon nap is the greatest challenge, and usually involves an hour plus of back/forth tug of war style sleep attempts. it goes like this. grace rubs her eyes, yawns, and is clearly tired. clearly. so, i do what i should do: i fix her a nice warm bottle, check the diaper (because no baby likes to sleep in poop), and lay her down. her lovey, a giraffe, snuggles up by her head - and she gets covered with a blankie. this is routine. we start naptime (even bedtime) with this. always. it's how it goes.

she proceeds to drink some bottle, but then rolls off, stands up, and starts babbling. basically, she decides she doesn't want to sleep. i wait about ten minutes, (sometimes i just ignore her completely) and if she hasn't laid down, i put her back down. try, try again.

and it goes for an hour.

this is probably my least favorite part of parenthood. the afternoon nap battle. to me, this is worst than getting my nipples bitten when her little teeth first came in (OUCH).

let me tell you, once the baby can stand up in the crib, naps become a challenge. whatever happened to my little baby who couldn't even roll? i miss those days... when sleep was basically all day... easy, breezy, beautiful (like covergirl!)

now i get to deal with my daughter and her cheeky grin that says "hi mom, you can't make me sleep."

new mommies be warned!

so that's my story. we're in this middle of this session now. we started at 1:50. it's been an hour and i see no signs of her relenting.



the tale of two bras

>> Thursday, April 22, 2010

every woman should love bras. really. i have a few reasons.

1. you (should) wear them every day.
2. they have little personalities in and of themselves.
3. bras can help make a boring night with your husband exciting. that is, wonderful sexy frilly however-you-please-to-be-appealing, bras.
4. they can make you look younger, skinnier, and more balanced out.

a good bra is a woman's best friend. a bad bra is everyone's worst nightmare.

i have had my fair share of "alright" and just plain bad bras. i think about my first few bras in middle school, which were not an underwire and did not have an ounce of shape to them. with a C cup, you just can't pull that crap off.

today, however, it was out with the old and in the with the fabulous and NEW! i had been wearing my sisters bra, which was a 40DD; Cacique; sold by Lane Bryant. These are the bras made for women with anything larger than an apple. i have a large chest. i have been abundantly blessed. both my sisters have been also. but let me tell you - bra shopping with grapefruits to dress can be a pain the ass. Cacique is one of the only brands; actually, let's be honest - the only brand, i have found that makes bras for larger busted women that are A) not minimizers, B) not old-ladyish, and C) keeps the twins looking great. That is, if you buy the right size.

so, me, in a 40DD. well, that's a band size too big. i was adjusting myself constantly. so today i marched into Lane Bryant and looked through the bras. and guess what: i found just the right bra, and i have never felt so "secure" in it, if you know what i mean. the twins are not going anywhere. it is a 38DDD balconette bra. i feel pretty, i feel supported, and i feel a lot skinnier because now you can see my torso. hey, how 'bout that? that's what happens when the twins are three inches higher! believe in miracles, folks. properly fitting bras can work wonders.

now, i had always known that one of the main problems with women and bras was the band size. a band size that is too big can completely screw you over. (i am the perfect example. one band size smaller raised the twins three freaking inches and keeps them in place. unfathomable.) so this is my friendly reminder to get a professional fitting, and if you have larger jugs, go to Lane Bryant. their products are way cool, cute, and sexy, and they house sizes from 36C to...... I want to say 46DDD, but I'm not sure. basically, big.

ps: i know Lane Bryant does sexy. how do i know? because most of my nighttime funsies are from there. yep. ask my husband how he feels about that.

so that's my story. i walked out of the store with (ouch) $57 spent - (but hey, if they fit and i look damn fine, i'll take it) on my two new fabulous bras.

the gospel of good bras.
thanks be to God.


"oh, the places you'll go"

>> Wednesday, April 21, 2010

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street. And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

maybe this is the story of my life. it sounds about accurate. i opened some doors, took a little peak in, and decided "no, this is not for me."

twenty one years later though, i think i'm done looking. after two years studying political science, over a year of discerning the religious life, years of considering careers and paths and choices - i am here. and here is exactly where i want to be. (granted, physically, it would be nice to be in michigan... but i mean, life-wise here.)

there still are places to go and paths to choose. for now, chris and i are settling into this current place. we've got one gorgeous daughter, another bun in the oven; we're buying a house and getting involved in ministries at our church; we're establishing ourselves and picking the path. it's a poor path; it's not full of wealth or brains or fame; but it is a humble and pleasant path. it's a sacrificial path with me, away from my family, whom i hold so dear. it's a path seeking glory for the Kingdom; it's a path seeking Truth in its fullness; it's a path choosing God in the little things like how we dress and speak, and in the big things, like how many children we accept to bring into our lives. it's a path based on Love and Love at its fullest.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

I have been fearfully and wonderfully made; and I thank God that He has given me the gift of my life as well as the lives of those around me. Thank you all so much for a wonderful 21st birthday.


i am not sure what i would call this.

>> Tuesday, April 20, 2010

recently, i've picked up an awesome book by the lovely Kimberly Hahn - Life Giving Love. basically, it is a beautiful testament into the reality of the gift of life.
she puts into perspective our culture and our world; which views children as burdens and pregnancy as a burden; and how all these things are so contrary to the truth.
from this book, i find even more strength in this pregnancy. it is a great reminder that, while our first two children - and perhaps even more of them, are close in age; this is not detrimental, but a blessing. our children are a blessing.
i have a lot of pregnant friends right now. i never thought i'd see the day, but i know about ten pregnant women. some of them have waited a long time before trying to get pregnant, by whatever means they chose; and some, by the glory of God, accepted the opportunity for new life at the start of their marriages (and i mean, honeymoon babies.)
life is such a beautiful blessing. fertility is a great gift. and children - while, they can make you crazy and radically change your life forever - and they can be broken, retarded, and disabled - but they have a purpose. i was watching "Extreme Home Makeover" today, and the Beach episode brought me to tears. the mother, Melissa, was speaking about two of her adopted children, and she couldn't've said it any better. she said that one of her children had a purpose for simply smiling and giggling - and that was all; that another of the children - her purpose was to simply look and raise up her hands. it wasn't much, but that was their purpose - that was why they were supposed to live.
i think about the many, many scary things that come with pregnancy and children... i think about all of the hardships and the fears that new parents have - as to if they can provide for their children. i think about that common statement to newlyweds: "wait and get to know eachother" - and for me, so far, with each and every one of those things, i can only think: "why should any of this stop us from bringing new life into the world?"
life is not supposed to be a piece of cake. children aren't either.
when chris and i found out we were expecting grace but three months into our dating relationship, i can tell you that i was horrified. basically, we had zipped on through a courtship and newlywed stage, and gotten ourselves a baby. we barely knew eachother - what we knew we loved, nonetheless - but - what?
grace is our glue. when i was pregnant with her - and still so, i have learned so much about both of us. get to know eachother? that's a continual process. don't delay children for that. it takes nine months to make a baby, after all, and you might not even get pregnant on that first try. by the time that baby comes out, i promise, you'll know eachother plenty well - and you'll know the ugliest and best sides. you will know the pregnant frustrated moody wife; the father who feels inadequate; you'll know the father who goes out to buy his wife wendy's in the middle of the night; and the wife who humbly carries another human person within her.
getting pregnant again... is a little crazy... but we are overjoyed. with this second pregnancy, you add a whole extra factor to the mix - taking care of the first while loving the wife who's pregnant with the second. it's different, and it's still beautiful.
so what am i saying? i don't really know. life is beautiful. don't shun it, don't prevent it. if God knows you're ready, He'll let it be. He'll bless you when you're ready. He'll bless you with a year and a half of infertility from breastfeeding, or just let you not get pregnant if you're not ready yet. He will do what He knows to be best.
children are a great gift. how awesome and blessed are we.


homemade baby food, a mop, and some quiet

>> Saturday, April 17, 2010

i have been busy like a mad woman these days. busy with enjoying the television, my favorite shows, taking care of baby, keeping up the house, and making baby food.

it's been a good week. the family has been out (did i mention that Chris, Grace, and i moved in with our in-laws at the start of february, while we searched for a house and tried so save up money for a down payment? oh yes) (total amount of people living in this house: 10. two married couples, two teenagers, two kingergarten+under, and two babies. welcome to my life.) it has been joyfully quiet, peaceful, and relaxing.

right now, the fam is in San Diego, CA... enjoying the beach... celebrating my brother-in-law Joshua's (14) accomplishment of qualifying to compete in the Junior Olympic National Championships. he is a completely kick-ass gymnast. yes, i just said that. he's currently level 9; there are only 10 levels - and the level 10's are the ones you see at the olympics. yes, like the Hamm brothers. that said, being 14 and a level 9 is a big deal. watch out, US gymastics, here comes Josh Everitt...

we're pretty excited.

so taylor, chris, grace, and i have been enjoying ourselves in the quiet house since wednesday. the family comes back tonight.

over the course of the week, i have watched more TV than imaginable, cleaned, organized, and just been. do you know how nice it is, to just BE?

i also made homemade baby food. i boiled up some carrots and sliced granny smith apple, cooled them off, threw them in a food processor with some cooked white rice... blended it all... and made a round meal for grace to enjoy. i made enough for 4 servings. i am pretty happy with it, because she loved it, and it was SO EASY to make.

what else? let's see. grace has expanded her food repertoire: macncheese, avocado, green beans, cheerios, applesauce, all kinds of jarred baby food, pears, banana, those gerber puffies... yep. i have an excellent eater. with her two teeth, the manages to eat tons of solids. i am really proud of her! she loves food!

so that's my story.

peace. time to play with the baby! because let's be honest: with a face this cute, no one can resist playtime.


the doula hunt

>> Tuesday, April 13, 2010

i am on the hunt for a doula. actually, i think i may have found one. certainly, my hope is to find someone who has experience with both VBAC and uterine anomalies... and i have found one who has a bit of experience with both! even better, she's got experience with my doctor and the high-risk team at UMC. she actually was there when he VBAC'ed twins - one of which was breeched.

so needless to say, i am excited.

doulas, i believe, can be a great benefit for mothers during labor... especially mothers who want things done a certain way - typically those going for a more natural birth in a hospital environment. they are a voice and advocate for the mother's desires, as well as a support when you feel like your vagina is about to simultaneously catch on fire and tear into two.

so this is the doula hunt.

and my husband just got into bed... so i am going to follow him.



just another day.

>> Monday, April 12, 2010

today, i am going to admit, i've been remarkably boring.
grace and i went outside this morning to sit in the wood swing, enjoy the sound of the chimes, and be alone. mommy-baby time is high up on my list of favorites.
charlie loves grace.

grace just woke up from her afternoon nap. she's had quite the day! she has mastered her crawling and standing skills, is figuring out how to go from standing to sitting, and is now examining my mouth! hah!

and i found baby #2's heartbeat while resting today. 147. healthy baby!

i saw a woman and man at Mass last night with their baby, about 10 months, i'd guess. when she stood up, found out she is also pregnant! probably about 5 or 6 months, judging by her belly. isn't that amazing? i was really relieved to see i am not the only young crazy Catholic mama to endure the joys and struggles of two under two. i was disappointed that they left right after communion, so i didn't have the chance to meet them... but i think i plan on stalking St. Francis at the mass, hopefully to see them again. they looked like such nice people!

anyways, i'm out. time to hang out with the babycakes.


no boys allowed!

>> Friday, April 9, 2010


Hopefully that will scare them off. Although, this is really interesting.

But clearly, in this diary, it is not today's topic. Today's topic is what the doctors told me! And it is all about my delightfully abnormal uterus. Or should I say uteri?

There are several types of uterine anomalies. What happens is - when women are little baby embryos themselves, they actually start out with something like (A) - there are two tubes that are SUPPOSED to fuse together to make the one normal uterus. Sometimes that doesn't happen at all (A), they partly fuse (B) and the septate uterus (not shown), and sometimes, things like (C) or (D) happen, when the tube never forms or doesn't even come close to the other mullerian tube. Pretty interesting, in my opinion.

Needless to say, I have (A) - uterus didelphys DUPLEX... which means, double vagina, double cervix, double uterus. How fun, huh? I guess. I found out in 2007 that I had this joyful setup.Can't say I was really overjoyed though, my first words were "How in the hell does that happen!?"

Uterine anomalies present all sorts of complications during pregnancy, depending on which variation you have. In all forms, it can commonly lead to an incompetent cervix and oftentimes miscarriage, because of the change in the vascular setup. Preterm birth and IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) are also common concerns because of the lack of space within the uterine cavity. Breech presentation is also very common because of the abnormal shaping and size.

I was particularly blessed to have two very close to normal sized uterine cavities, and, as of now, both appear to be working just fine! The left side is slightly smaller than the right side, and both are about 3/4 the size of a normal uterus. In my mind, I am superwoman. Ha!

Now. When I was pregnant with Grace, she resided in the slightly larger right uterine horn. She was breech all the way up to term, and my doctor did not want to even attempt to flip her. She was delivered by c-section after my water randomly broke one evening (PROM - premature rupture of membranes, no contractions!) I managed to carry her farther than either of my OBGYN's predicted - they expected her between 34 and 36 weeks. I carried her till 39. Damn, am I good or what? I had a complication-free pregnancy, which was excellent seeing as I had plenty of reason for problems.

So my new, high-risk, maternal-fetal medicine doctors. They're spiffy. I have this delightful young woman, and she's brought in a much older - and she admits, much more knowledgeable mister. I don't mind if she's going to him, because y'know what --- if my other doctors had done that, (sought out more information), I wouldn't've left them. So yes. I have two doctors who are rooting for me! Yeah!

They are going to let me attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). They will even let me do it if the baby is breeched. They did tell me, that because they do not know just to what extent my doctor cut into the uteri, I could be at higher risk for rupture. My hope and prayer is that Dr. Gardner, when delivering Grace, only cut into the right side. That would mean my left uterus (where this baby is now!) is still perfectly intact and healthy. That's the hope and prayer. That would greatly reduce the risk for rupture.

So, it was really good news. Because they understand I plan on having quite a few more babies, they do not want to make me need a c-section for those remaining births and want to allow me to give it a shot. I'll be closely monitored, but, given a chance, nonetheless.

Sorry I wrote a novel, but it's one of those things that requires a thorough explanation.

Pray for us!


the vocation of motherhood

>> Thursday, April 8, 2010

there are definitely days when i look up to Heaven and think, "God, why on EARTH would you ever call me to the vocation of motherhood. I don't want to deal with baby poop, wet diapers, and spilled milk. I want to watch movies, read good books, and hang out with my husband."

this is mostly spewing from the last 24 hours, which have been entirely stressful and miserable... and still, nonetheless, humorous.

to sum it up:
1. my brother-in-law, Nick, is in the hospital. the whole family is in "chaos" mode - the parents are out, the kids are wild, and we are attempting to maintain order.
2. grace did not take her afternoon nap.
3. i discovered what i believed to have been "squeezed out" of grace's poopy/peey diaper.. in the basin under her excersaucer... this is what happens when you don't change the baby's diaper before you put them in it. kaboom + clorox = cleaned excersaucer, mommy headache.
4. my husband is, on rare occasion, a complete idiot.
5. exhaustion.
6. i threw up dinner. chunkies. out my nose. seriously? what a nice way to end the day.

that was yesterday.

today, thus far:
1. grace's disposable diaper (this is why i prefer cloth diapers, and i really need to buy some extra-soaker inserts so i can go back to them...) EXPLODED the crystal matter... on the crib... on the floor... on her. that was the start of my day.
2. she dumped her bottle in her carseat.
3. i left the diaper bag so there was no extra clothes for her in the car.
4. poopy, FULL diaper, without the diaper bag... i took the diaper off, cleaned her with tissues, and prayed she would not pee on the drive home.
5. that was a stupid hope.. i'm home, have disassembled the carseat and it's in the wash, and re-dressed the baby

the vocation of motherhood is a humorous, miserable, topsy-turvy-always-trust-your-instinct-and-never-hope-your-baby-will-do-the-thing-you-want-or-you'll-have-a-mess-on-hand life.

but i do love it.

i just wonder "why...God...why?"

doctors appointment at 1:30 today.

until next time..!


14 weeks and not quite 8 months

>> Tuesday, April 6, 2010

When this journey began in January, I don't think my husband Chris and I really understood what it would mean when we decided to have another baby. we just knew that from Grace, we were having a blast, we weren't worn out, we still had a great love-life, and we still loved eachother. oh, and, we wanted another one. much to my delight, my sister Katie and her husband Philip are expecting their first a week after our baby #2 is due!

Grace is not quite 8 months old and full of joy, life, and fun. She might just be my favorite.

I listened to the baby's heartbeat today. It's a lot higher than Grace's was, and since this pregnancy has been radically different (for the better!), I am hoping that baby #2 is a BOY. Not that I don't like pink... But in an attempt to prevent some serious sisterly rivalry... "please be a boy, please be a boy!"

Also, I think Chris would go nuts if he was the only man in a house of women.

I have a doctors appointment with the high-risk specialists on Thursday. Hopefully I can convince them to let me do a VBAC. It was my heart's desire to have a vaginal birth with Grace, but my doctor ended up refusing to do an external version to flip her (she was adamantly breeched from 20 weeks onward).. So she had to be a c-section. Now, it's my hope, with a new set of doctors, that they will listen to my desires, flip this baby if it's breeched, and let me do it the old fashioned way.

In the meantime, I am going to go play with my baby!



About This Blog

this blog wasn't intended to always be happy or true. it was, however, made to be honest -- an honest expression of my beliefs, my feelings, and what I know to be the Truth. it'll be snarky, sarcastic, and put just as i see the world: might not always be pleasant, but neither is life. i hope that from reading this, i can help you walk through an unopened door and help you see things from my walk of life.

dedicated to

my beautiful daughter, grace anne; this next baby who i hope to love just as much; my husband, who is my strength and inspiration to carry on; my mother and father, who taught me to embrace what i know is right, to love, and to always be the woman God intended me to be; all my siblings, who show me what good the occasional sacrifice, often annoyance, and frequent laughter is.

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