one book i can trust besides the bible: the CCC

i am already dreading writing this post, but part of me feels like mentally processing through words is much easier than trying to play it out in my head - mostly because, in my head, things get jumbled. on paper, however, it's a lot easier to sort through thoughts.

this is that post about suicide that i said i would write yesterday, but didn't. part of me had forgotten, and the other part hadn't processed through things well enough. whenever i've been speaking about it, all i can say is: "i just don't understand why."

it's good to know that i am not the only one asking this question. stephen may, a student from my sister's graduating class, hung himself a few nights ago. all i've been able to say is, "why?" he came from a catholic family, was a basketball player, was accepted to college, had a girlfriend, and was graduating from high school in three weeks. to most kids, it would seem stephen was ontop of his game... so, like every one else, all i can ask is "why?"

my mother told me something that stephen's best friend had said following finding out his friend had killed himself; matt said, "the devil must've gotten to him in that last half hour." i guess i couldn't've really said it better myself; but behind the reality - that the devil is fiend who mocks, taunts, tortures, and deprives of us the joy of Christ - i still stumble upon the harsh reality: what on earth did the devil have that could convince stephen that life wasn't worth living.

the suspicion, and naturally so, is that stephen was suffering from some serious depressions that simply no one knew about. but then i ask myself; "really, how did no one know?" how did not a soul suspect that something was awry in this teenager? my mom told me that she had spoken with a counselor who came into her work the other day (no, my mom isn't seeing a counselor: acquaintances, people) and that the woman had told my mother that it's the ones who are really serious that no one realizes. it's not (usually) the cutters or those two down a bottle of pills who want to end their lives - it's the ones who no one would suspect. and isn't that a shame? how are you supposed to rescue someone if you have no idea that they need rescuing?

chris, my mother-in-law, and i were discussing the funeral arrangements last night, and an equally troubling but hopeful question was brought into the mix: how does the Church view suicide, seeing as it is commonly considered a mortal sin. with much hope, i am praying that stephen is one of those who doesn't fall into that classification -- and that he was, indeed, one of those that the Church considers less responsible. The CCC writes: "Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide" (2282).

The Church reminds her children that "We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives" (2283). So, on that note, i have much hope for stephen; i pray that God, in His mercy, sees a son who was broken, who did not ask for help, who did not understand, who thought there be no other options. God knows whatever was going through his head that night; and i hope for stephen, that God has mercy.

because damnation is eternal and i wish that upon no one.

if you or someone you know is suffering, i ask that you guide them in the right direction - both towards the Church (or any, for that matter) and towards those who are trained to help. like the Church says, suicide is an injustice to family, friends, and to those whom we have obligations; no matter how sad and broken a person is, and how alone they might feel - suicide still breaks the bonds of solidarity that man has to other men.


rest in peace and may God have mercy on you, stephen may.